I Have a Dream

Not a good day.  I had a minor setback last night because of a passing weather front, and then I woke up this morning to a seriously cranky spouse.  Still don't know why.  Just glad he went to work today.

A little more often, like maybe even once a week, what I'd like is to wake up in the morning and not have my life be all about me trying not to be the way that I am. (And before we blame it all on cranky spouse, it's definitely not just him.)  I've (mostly) accepted the days on end of being sick, but I'd like having that not be the focus of everybody's attention.  I've (mostly) accepted being unable to drive places or hear things or recognize people, but I'd like that be okay, too.  I have a vision of me just going through my day and everybody just accepting that this is the way it is.  As in, 'hey, there's 'erika', she's sick and she can't work and she's poor and her brain is all lopsided, but she gets up in the morning and she tries to take care of her kids and pets and house, and she's a basically decent sort, so let's welcome her to our species'.  Strewing flower petals on the streets where I'm about to walk would be optional in this fantasy.  Gifts would be fine, too.  Fan mail, anyone?



My mother has been moved by ambulance to another hospital this morning.  They don't really know what's wrong.  My sister has cancelled her trip this week--she's still pretty sick.  I'm used to this--when I get sick my expectations as to how quickly I'll get well are pretty low.  Hey, I'm up, dressed and everything today, did the chores, and it's not even lunch time.  I am thrilled.  Even played a little piano yesterday.  It would be nice if other people always understood why I can't just jump full-time (even while almost everybody around me is still at least somewhat sick) back into my normal routine.  But who ever said life was perfect?

I'm worried about Mom.  I want to visit.



And I'm just getting over the flu.  There's something every living being should know about getting over the flu--you are at serious risk of depression.  It doesn't matter if everything was going fine before it hit, and it doesn't matter if it's going fine when you're over it--you are still at risk.  Although maybe it would help if everything was going fine.

Guess I'll go clean some more house and play some more piano.