Sunday, December 2, 2012

:) Out With the Old, In With the New

Well, I'm still here.

One thing about living without a lot of other people around, you do have some control over your environment.  And I determined a long, long time ago to at least try to make my immediate environment someplace that I'd actually like to be.  If I'm going to live a lonely, isolated life punctuated by long bouts of debilitating illness, I'm going to at least make the most of it.

So I try to keep my house and yard reasonable clean.  It seems to be a losing battle for me to achieve anything approaching organization, but over the years I've improved somewhat.  I hang up Christmas lights and put up decorations.  No one will see them except my husband and children and me.  But it's important to me.  And I'm sure my children will remember it--I know I remember my mother's decorating.

I need the magic--colored lights and elves and flying reindeer.  Most of the people in my life seem to have outgrown the magic.  I find this to be depressingly bleak.  I need to go outside at night, and once in a while see a huge ring around the moon, or get up early in the morning and see frost covering every single blade of grass and pine needle, and nothing but fog all around me.  Other people tolerate this about me, if only because I won't give it up.

In the last few years I've watched my children grow up.  In some ways, it seems, they are now more mature than I am.  It's not that I have no self-discipline, or that I can't make good, sound decisions.  It's just that I have to have the magic.

Anyway, I clean from time to time, and I keep the kitchen stocked, and the library stocked.  I try to make my little kingdom as comfortable as possible. 

And then somebody online says something that temporarily crushes me.

So....I've decided to take control of my online kingdom as well.  It started with moving the blog.  Now I've started another facebook page.

When I thought about it, it's pathetic that I thought twice about signing up for George Takei on facebook.  The reason I almost didn't sign up for him is that he's (shhhh, looking around to make sure nobody is listening) gay.  And hear about it I did--from a couple of people, anyway.  Did I know he was gay? 

It's not really appropriate for a nice Christian girl (these people don't know about the Nook with Fifty Shades on my laptop) to 'like' (on facebook, on facebook) a gay guy.  Even if he is hysterically (isn't etymology fun?) funny.

No way would I have 'liked' or signed up for any interest groups pertaining to Wicca, or Shamanism, or Tao, or Kabbalah.  Even though I'm not really committed to any of these spiritual practices, just curious.  I'd even carefully considered at first whether I'd admit to having CVID, or prosopagnosia, or APD.

I've finally decided that it's not beneficial for me to wake up in the morning and see something that causes me pain (if I can help it), or rampant posts of intolerance.  Funny, it didn't seem to be a problem before.  Guess I was just used to being treated like crap and seeing other people get treated like crap. 

I could have given up facebook altogether, but I didn't want to.

So I moved.  I took a few people with me.  Took the kids, husband, a couple of friends I met on facebook that seem to be open-minded, and my sister.  I wish everybody else well.  If one or two of them miss me, I might invite them to come on over.  I'm sure some of them would wish me well if they knew.  Well, I'd like to think so, anyway. 

In spite of several times lately when I've wanted to wish illness on a few (and that episode last night when 'War of the Worlds' was on TV and I rooted for the machines), I've restrained myself from being vindictive.  There's a lot of ignorance in this world and we've all been caught up in it from time to time.

And now I've signed up for everything that I'd wanted to before, but was afraid to.  I've listed my religion as 'Eclecticism'.  It'll do for now.  Who knows, maybe it'll catch on.

It's a small thing--hardly incredibly risky.  The worst that could happen would be that somebody from my 'old life' would find me and get upset.  Fortunately, tying people to posts and lighting fires at their feet is no longer in vogue.

It's a small thing, but I've gotten a lot of what could perhaps be described as 'glee' out of it.



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